I dont know why there is jsut so much to say. coz i have no one to talk to, coz i have things to say that is too embarassed to make them into sound. coz things are so hard to explain, and I hate complication.
I have no name, I have no country, i have no family, I am a ghost, drifting forever, no chance for incarnation, no chance to die again, no chance to live. I have no family, I have no one. And island is the saddist piece of land, and I am the island itself, drifting, feeding on salt water and foreign weather.
I wonder are we given right to be upset about people who treat you well. Am I given right to complain i m not treated better. I should stop whinning, and my psychologist say I have every reason to be depressed, and I should stop being too harsh on myself. but human being survive on love, and if I live in a place where no one love me, i will cease to thrive like those ophaned Russian babies.I am no daughter, no sister to no one. I am a ghost, I jsut haunt the place but dont quite exist. I am jsut a little more than a pet, even pepper has more love than me, at least no one will bother to hate him.
I live, constantly aware of every move of myself, whether it is upseting anyone. and no one, do that to me, coz they are a family, I am the odd one, I dont need to be here.
it is inevitable, and with all my experience of living with some family, I tend to think that, even I pay rent, I am asking for mercy, please let me stay, and dont make me end up in the street, please, pity me and let me stay, i will be good.
there is time like this that i want to have my parent here, and that mean I would not be able to live with wendy. My life have to be full of choices like that, your right arm or your left, you have 10 second to decide which one you want me to saw apart. eitherway i would be amputated, I would bleed, I would bleed to death and make myself shiver with pain.