wendy and me had this conversation about
" who want to be a hilton" ( alright, i m just spicing it up and give it a title)
so we talk about whether we will become rich after all, and whether we want to be rich.
after that 2 days in vegas with her aunt, i kinda understand what is meant by luxury, when your monthly wage is nothing but a trip to costco, or jsut some kid's toy for two days. then you start wondering, do you wanna live like that, or stick to your monthly wage.
after working at south coast i have a comtempt for wealthy people, they have no respect to others, they doesn make sense to me, they are simply bitches or jerks. and to look at it up close in wendy's aunt's mansion at vegas, i dont look at her with my prejudice on wealth, ok, a rich person is busy, no time to sleep, and always getting richer, and you have to take risk. upon knowing her aunt, i see a sorta wealthy personality. and I dont have it, wendy agreed that she dont have it either, despite of her last name. I am so easily contented, if i have such a big mansion at vegas, if i pick up nonsensible object that coz over 100 dollar as my son's toy for 1 day, i will be satisfied, i wont want more, i will go travel, i wont go invest. I just dont desire that much of wealth. maybe there is too much obligation, before I can rise over my obligation and demand more. maybe when i have more, i will want more. and both wendy and me are task oriented person, destined to be employed and paid, not to pay and employ. wendy has hope to be someone bigger, coz she has such inner strength as a person, all she need is jsut skill and reputation. for me i am not too sure. I am good at stuff that throw at me, but I have no real talent. I am good but I can never be the best. so i am be enough, but not rich. in contrary of my extremist personality, i foresee myself living a very mellow life, for I have too much going on inside to deal with. I am one of the kind athat is cursed with artistic personality. I can make a damn successful artist of any kind, my reservation, my randomness, my romantism and determination, my eccentricity and my queer-ness....but i cant go on like this wihtout starving to death. so I better believe wendy has the potential then. I don know why my life is so stuck. did I not make changes? Am I that stupid? I feel that I am like a species that is destined to extinct coz of incompetence, and no one can rule against nature, even myself.