there are just so much to say.....
I realise words soothe me, a lot. reading words, writing words....just language itsels heals me in mysterious way. it is a cheap teleportation to the unreal, my ruinned reality. i was talking about love, i was.....and all those stars that lament the glorious past, damn modearnists....so good and so cold, like some frozen fruit, and i tumble upon life itself, scalding myself. and this make belief crush i has on english itself, it is like getting a white bf. i wanna be a part of, i wanna know, i wanna invade, i invade beyond my territory, I savour it, something doesn belongs to me, I own it, it is mine. I have hemmingway on my right hand, and i have a champagne with fitzgerald, then i watch them acting macho and I sit like a flapper woman, i have cliped hair, flat chest and blue eye shadow, i speak french, I dance flamenco, i am a bohemian, sitting next to hemmingway and fitzgerald, and i laugh like a whore, i swear, I am a lesbian i told them. they laugh, they cant believe i can live without a penis, Hemmingway almost get mad at me, he say, go to hell, girl, go to hell. I said i will see you there, and they laugh. I was drunk on pernod, i ask the garcon to bring me a box, becoz I wan my food to go, and he look at me puzzled, I am sorry, i am american, and we take things to go and we have drive thru, we eat food in boxes, not on plates.....I smoke like a flapper woman, i believe I should vote, I believe I can sleep with either one of these gentlemen tonight, I am a lesbian, I am a flapper woman, I am chinese, I am american, I am the stream of smoke that exhaled, that is my breathe, and I am drinking my own blood.