Saving Face
it is a wonderful movie by amatuer director , alice wu. i wonder what is the point of writing her name here, coz no one know her anyway, but she did wonderful thing, and i think she deserve some credit.
so i was about a lesbian daughter taking in a 48 pregnant mum, and being all awkard about coming out , starting a relationship and taking in a huge family burden. i think it is basically wat all asian lesbian will have to go through, except the part about pregnant mother. but the thing that touches me was not only the lesbian part, coz i could see that in more intensive and extensive actions in the L word anyway, or in my own bedroom. but the fact that a 48 years old women, giving up her freedom, her passion, her everything, and still sob like a 12 years old in front of her own father, was jsut a too powerful scene to see. and if i were an american, i might cry even more, becoz it totally doesn make sense...being a chinese is too burdened, i quote my own dad. i relate so much to the mum actually, being unmarried and pregnant, and thrown out of her family after being a good daughter for 48 years. and that 48 years of obedience doesn pay off anything, doesn make her deserve respect, or freedom. and that seems to be wat i m doing,all these years of obedience, i somehow thot that it would buy me freedom, and i decide that it doesn work no more, that obedience doesn buy anything at all.
o the other hand, the lesbian couples are carefree, even with their asian heritage. becoz they are caught into a situation that they wil hurt their family. and they don wanna hurt them becoz they love their family. like Wil can out right tell her mum " i love you". asian dont do that, i guess, but asian american does. the situation of being lesbian, or unmarried mother, are both taboo, but the reason why mum's emotion is more intense, becoz she has so much guilt. and guilt lead to obedience, that you give up, and you dont fight, coz it make you feel better. but Wil and Vivian has no guilt, they hurt, but they have no guilt. and Chinese people are guilt oriented. the rules are made to be broken, and therefore, rules follower are made to be guilty and ashamed, and that shame and guilt will work on them, until they find the RIGHT PATH. it is how chinese people discipline. that is the reason why chiense ppl hide emotions, hide tears, hide love, becoz it is too close, it is too weak and vulnerable, it is embarassing, and it is shameful to be vulnerabnle, it is a shame. and saving face is all about shame. the granddad keep repeating, you put your whole family into shame. yes, see how guilt driven it is in the statement. and what are we suppose to do with that? isnt it easier for the whole family to accept one member, then having that one member benefiting the whole family?
as chinese living in america, we see the ridicule of it all, becoz after all we learned to question that values that we live for 20 years. but i don know how it feel i were not in the states. it is jsut heart broken to see a 48 years old women behaving like a pregnant teenager. she is so trapped, so hopeless, she cant find herself if she is not some family defined role, if she is not a good mother, or good daughter, then she is nothing. and that sounds exactly like my mum.