hey guys, you need to watch "brokeback mountain", i have the feeling that i will love this one more than the geisha, even though i havent watch them yet!

god, i jsut watch the trailer and i m already so touched. oh no...i cant wait....go watch brokeback mountain! damn, and i wanted to watch RENT, but it all look so cheesy and stupid on screen. Brokeback mountiain is beautiful, damn, first time i found gay men story so pretty, and i only watch like a 2 min clips? anyway, i love the subtleness, they seems to be relaly good actors and actress. i will watch it and then i will tell stephanie wells about it, ya? haha, today i dont even dar look at her, coz I dreamt of her the other night, and i remember in the dream i was like trying to make myself remember the dream. all i remember was this class room, she has black hair and she tie it in a bun, she doesnt look like herself but i knwo it is her. She suddenly sit down and stop teaching and music comes up, we all started partying. I remember dancing with this other girl while looking at her, she is still sitting by her desk, staring into blank space. Then after that we went to a performacne as a class, and i spend a long time looking for her. In the end i spot her with another female teacher, they have a to-go box in hand and she was wearing this coral color pants obviously from the limited.
today i keep staring at the back of her head, she probably sleep with her hair wet again, impossible to comb, and I miss the lipstick she wore the other day. Woman like that totally blow my mind, sometimes they are so androgynous and hot, sometimes they are so feminine and maroon and lace and satin and chocolate, it was a gloomy cloudy day, it was surreal, like that class doesnt exist, some woman are like that, they just fill up your mind like a balloon and you try to push it out, so that you can use some of your brain to write some paper and stuff.
It is like, i spend so long writing her paper, because she sent me email saying that she cant wait to read it. And i was like writng this paper as if writing a love letter, you know, like you are writing to a rock star, and you get so obsessed about whether your grammar is correct, whether you said what you mean, whether she liked it, to the extend that she would sit back and think, "it is some statement" or, she would laugh and yelled over to the living room where her husband is watching football that " hey come over hon, this is really funny!"
I wonder she wear fluffy slippers at home.
For month i been writing nothing but stephanie on thsi blog. and i still cant find a word to describe exactly what I feel. and some guy bought her a christmas present,and I was like...she is gonna look at that box of chocolate and think of him, she is going to share it with her husband and her husband will be like": Um...how nice( take another piece) dang it is good. "
I hate what I am doing now, trying to imagine what she is like at home, what is she like if she doenst wear jacket and pants, but maybe sweatshirts and pj? what is she like if she doesnt wear those boots, but stupid fluffy slippers. Maybe she wil have an anne sexton poster at home, maybe she is silly and dance with radio music, maybe she knit, like a 40 years old woman, maybe she go club at hollywood, adn what does she likes to drink , magarita or martini?
I m crazy. it is wrong, I am so crazy.