do you believe that talent will vanish if you dont use it?
I do. and it is happening.
I miss that long run, that physical exhuastion and the mental strenght that push me through something. like, a mission, like a purpose, something for me to do that I am good at.
it never happen, and i will never be good at anything. I will never know.
I hate writing personal statement, when you have to be all positive and portray yourself with ultimate potential, like everyone is going to end up successful and blah.
if you read personal statement for a living, what do you really look for? model essays? people with perfect grammar, long list of achievements, or a cohesive prose. Or do you look for real person who has weakness and strenght.what do you look for, do you look for perfection? do human being has to be perfect? do you want perfect students, amazingly smart, full of logic and compassionate as well as active. what , you looking for the next best serial killer?
I don know I jsut have this contempt for authority, what are you, why do you have to choose me, I am choosing you, I pay you tuition. say thank you , you are welcome.

I watched this discovery channel thing that talk about homo sapien and neanthethal. how neanthethal was a weaker kinda species so evolution swipe them out. and neanthethal do had interaction with homosapien and because homosapien was a better one, they carry on and become us. so it was like a fake documentary of ancient humans, and i have to say it is tearfully romantic. the part when they talk about cross mating of neanthethal and homosapien, like this warrior looking raw homo sapien man creeping into the neanthethal tent and there lies this neanthethal woman with big brow bone and bug tooth. it was all dark and you kinda know what happen to them when the homo sapien guy hover over her. than when they talk about how neanthethal dies out, that neanthethal woman was like too weak to carry on the journey, and she need to be left behind to die. than the homosapien guy was like going back to her, and she tell him to go on, well in neanthethal language, and the rest of the homosapien people are leaving. the neanthethal woman kinda push him away and she go into the lake alone, coughing and look like dying. some neanthethal people were mourning and playing some primitive flute. she slowly goes into the water, and the homo sapien guy finally started walking. suddenly he turns back and pull out his bow and arrow, made a loud bellow and shot down a raven. isnt that beautiful, i wish i got to watch this when i had my anthropology class. when they talk about intermating, i jsut thot of them like dog humping each other, never think of them like having human like emotions. and who knows what happen between them.

J alfred prufrock,
until human voice wakes us, then we drown.