so i decided to take english at UCs. Reason: coz I think it is jsut impractical to do fashion at this point. like what m i gonna do after i graduate? like go to a fashion firm? be a tailor, assistant, pattern maker or wat? and i don know, how many ppl make it there? like, if i graduate with a UC english degree , i can apply for pretty much anything. any job, including those jobs i want. i can even do fashion after that. like, i change my mind so fast, and i don know wat should i do. I don mind doing english. really, language is great . and somehow i wonder whether i m realy a fashion person. all those glamour and stuff, all those glistening dirt and gorgeous madness. so wat is it about a couture dress that worth 3000 dollar. and what is it about having a glamourous life and fucking model and getting all work up becoz your eye brow is a wrong arch? what is the meaning for all these, you know, the art, ok you say, you do it for the art. but is fashion really art? or is it jsut hardcore money, that is coated with sequines and diamonds, or jsut satin and lace. the vanity of it turns me off sometimes. i wanted it, i wanna be glamourous, be very artistic, vain, perfectionist, and queer. and at the same time i think it is all so empty. how many coco chanel, who can create a lifestyle that last for decades. you know, i jsut keep reading magazine and i saw those parties. those fashion parties, and the magazine editor got everything down about your dress, where you get it, how much you get it, is it a good choice. everything, and that has to be the focus, but what the party is about is another issue. whether it is about your new collection or it is about fund raising for starving kids in africa. you know i rather wear some crappyt kakhi shorts and go to africa, hug some fragile kids and scream like some cliche tv series to raise some money, instead of having that time and resources to make dress.
i don know, i don know wat that is. you know, after a while you sorta realise it is your experience that change your opinion, and you never know before you can live thru it. so you can only find a path tt you very likely will enjoy, instead of finding a destination that you really want.
therefore i choose english. i think i put writing in front of drawing, in front of everything. i just need to express myself. express, express a lot of myself.