i saw it on myspace some girl is pooling money from alll her myspace frds coz she need money to move in with her gf to LA. i mean, if i know her personally, i don know, i really wanna help. but of coz you never give ppl money like this online...so i wonder how many pl wil feel the same way like me. you know, if you have no money from your parent, and you are working 40 hours(which she say she does) and all you wan is to move in with your gf, so that you can see each other. becoz you cant stand it anymore to be separated, and that feeling just starting to eat you alive and you are willing to do something, as desparate as to ask for money on myspace, i think you realy deserve some help, like, gosh...i totally understand what she feels like.
so anyway, back to shitty life. it is weird the dynamic change overnight when mum is back. wendy's brother sounds a bit brat now and then, like asking so publicly why wendy still sleep in my room, and telling me to help his mum unpack( not asking to clarify), probably coz he know now he is higher in the hierachy and he can do less in the house and tell ppl to do more. wendy is ok. and i was not. I m back to my anxiety mode, to be careful, not to say wrong thign, not to forget to say good morning and thank you and stuff. to the point that it really feels like work now. like opening the fitting room door and smile and everything. it is like working 24 hours putting up that face. not that i don wanna respect ppl, but sometime i get tired and i don give a shit, esp when i m back from work, all i need is just some rest and kindness, and now i have to give them when i m back from work. it was horrible before and i don wanna have it again. and the heirachy now is reverse, i m at the bottom, wendy the second bottom, then brother, then mum. i need to vacuum when i m off, clean when i m off, and i can never make a mess, you know. if your kid make a mess you scold them and it is ok. if some extra ppl make a messs and you try not you scold them, and you remember them being a mess and that is not ok.
and i m living wtih my gf's mum, how fuck up is it.