trying not to make my life too melochonic, and everything become more or less a sarcastic joke. i eventually recieved my mum's letter, adn it is the same thing she say on the phone. alright, i jsut eat my cheesecake as if i read a flyer of carpet commercial. anyway, it is wat you get, parents! if you love your kid and write her a letter ok, it is gonna be carpet commercial. don take me wrong, i do love them, the reason i hate them is becoz i love them too much, i think every kid understand this concept without elaboration. but i was walking home today and i think of my mum did state that i m the failure of her life. i used to be ashame of this, but now i feel no shame nor rebellion, coz i m jsut indiferent to watver she says. mum, if you think i m your biggest failure and i ruin your life, i m sorry, sorry that your life is screwed, but mine's not.
as i said, i m so afriad of dying now, coz i know i m going staight to hell. and i m not likely to be repenting in the next few years. i m so screwed.
why ppl jstu don understand, they ahve to take responsibility of their own life. be it happy or sad, it is still good since there is no comparison. milan kundera talked about eh imperativeness of life,that ppl's emotion and decision making is so related to finding the most right solution, the right course so that they wont regret afterwards. but wat they fail to see it that you have no reason to regret and there is no right or wrong action when there is no second chance to compare with. taking a year off school make you lose out a lot, but if you did it wat is tehre to regret even if you do lose out a lot. you wish you din make that decision, as if you know for sure life will be better and you wont lose out, and you will do well and you wil be handsome and rich? how do you be sure of taht, you cant! so why are you regreting. of copz you have to plan but after you do wat you tink is right, no one should regret, coz we are all responsibile for consequenfces, be it happy or sad, the beauty of life is the imperativeness, and the uniqueness of it. so mum, you say i will regret it. coz you keep regreting htat you should stop me before i go so deep in this shit. but i m not even regreting, so wat if i do screw up my life for wat i m doing now, it is my life afterall, and wat i m doing is not anything unspeakably evil,i jsut make a life choice. mum, i will never ever regret about wat i did, for as long as you regret it , i wont. i m not gonna be like you. see the sadness of parenting.