i been having nightmare every single night.
no kidding.
i dream of death, ghost, and disasters.
i dreamt of execution, man's skull being cracked open by an axe, ghostly japanese gal in my room, and last night, a flood.
like that one in thailand.
i was walking on wooden plank above the raging yellow water. i have to walk along, coz the plank only allow one person.
then i get on a bus, and eventually it is dry land.
then i know i m on my way home in bakersfield
and i m not going to my home.
i m going to taht direction, to that house two min away from me
then i woke up, feeling a new horror flood me like a tsunami.
i know it. after wat happen yesterday
my eyes still puffy today.
my decadent life, that someone say i m like a piece of ...something.
that someone accuse me of not doing things i should do, and doing things i should not do.
that i think, i sit on my bed and think. that i never feel good about myself with taht someone.
i have a fat butt, i have small boobs, i don know anything, i m stupid, i don do sport.
and then i think about wat exactly had i done.
about leaving but cannot.
and then someone come in, snatch my blanket, look right in my eyes with that emotionless gaze. i was literally terrified.
and someone ask for explanation. ask me wat do i want.
i told.
someone say it doesn make sense
i told again
then someone walk out, get the dog and shut my door and leave me in the dark
maybe i m too fragile.
i find the last movement abusive.
my heard my heart scream, like a horror movie. but i try to cry and let out no noise.
it was scary.
and i think about the palace.
i think about the snow
i think about everything bright and beautiful
i m so afriad.
i m so afraid.