I m on a reading spree for Milan Kundera, he is like a Czech chun shang cun shu for me. i love his books, like i just cant help. i try to read hemmingway, but it is too deep and general humanity doesnt interest me. so Kundera is so cool, he is like writing about existentialism, huge word, but i don know.
so ppl in the coast stil fucking snobbish and i still fucking hate them. i met this muslim gal this afternoon and she was accompanied by this two white person. and this white gal with a very fake blonde hair was like so fucking what the hell( that is beyond description, watever)so i was so turn off and move on anyway.

i m sorry but i have to say, i think i hate my parent. it is something unspeakable. but reading too much literature make me honest about emotion. like ppl write about it, and you read, you relate and it is ok for you to feel. being chinese has too much burden, my dad says, they care about country, family before themselves. so wat do we get but unfulfilled ambition , wat do we get besides regret and pain, hatred and a love so heavy. maybe that is wat makes us valuable. why do they hurt me so much, without knowing wat they are doing and expect me to take it all in just because without them, there wont be ME. my mum sent me a letter, and she ask me not to show her. i m all prepare for anything hurtful , hysterical for her to say. coz i m suppose to take them all in without raising my head and apologize and apologize until the day i take my own life. so she had no body else to talk to, no not only that, coz she love me and think i hurt her, so she have to hurt me back, until one day i m too wounded to do anything, so i m uncapable to hurt her. is it the only way to treat me. is it the only way , for i just wrong them for being who i m. do i deserve all these, to have them hate exactly wat i m proud of myself. so do they deserve that. they deserve wat. they have experience of fifty years of beautiful god given life. exciting or not as they should know coz it is for them to experience. they got married, found their love and give birth to me. and the story goes wrong from their. they one and only love, betrayed, disappointed, their one and only love. how sad for them. that's why i tell my mum, i m never gonna be parent. wat i din say is becoz they demonstrate wat is failed parenting, wat is about ruining someone's life, wat is about spoiling a kid, wat is about haveing your kid to hate you. mum, i m never gonna be parent, coz i don wanna be you, and my kid don wana be me.
becoz you spend all your allowance to buy a barbie, you dress her up, make her sleep, eat, dress, poo and pee. then you find her a husband, ken, the perfect guy, it is always ken for all barbie. you have to right for these becoz you bought it, without you she will be sitting on the shelf. i rather sit there.