It was my birthday.
I dont know why but all my birthday seems crappy.
it is when i start to care about something, about myself, and it is a good sign, to love myself so much to feel other doesnt love me enough.
it is all good. if I wanna think about it.
2005 is the most most most traumatic year in my entire life, considering I would have lost it, if I werent careful enough, i would have left this earth, into the hell fire that is awaiting me. SO i survived. I survivied 2005, and i was rebirthed around after June, and here i am breathing.
I am a still a loser, I am still lonely, I am still bored, and worst still, i am still fighting for freedom. I am still dependent, i am still stupid, and I am still a cry baby whinning for attention. I am 21, and I am not depressed.
I went to a bar after work last night, and I drank alone. I actually feel bored, the sherry was disgusting, i was looking for a vodka shot, but i got a sherry. I actually wanna go home, eventhough my point of sneaking out was to run away. I only drank one, because I knew I had to drive. and it was my birthday, I got my alcohol, and I actually wanna go home. I got so tired by then i fell asleep, and i felt kisses all over me, and I fell asleep, with little kisses all over my face, I fell asleep.
I am 21, I am not exactly happy, I am not exactly free, but I am not depressed. I live and I am not depressed.
Nothing can be worse than what I was, I was like a sick animal, running away from the danger that is actualy within her, get so scared and she hide, until it is too late . And it wasnt. I am glad, I went to a doctor, she handed me a knife, and asked me to disect myself. So i did, bleeding all over, she gave me the sewing kit, clumsy, unsterilized, I sewed myself up, stitches and stitiches of sticky membrane and flesh. I breath, and it smells so different.
this is all I have to give thanks to God for. This one whole year, I got my mind back, and my parent too.