so, i m still an ungrateful brat? yeah right, wat do you expect me to do!!
i m sorry,i really cant intergrate, i jsut cant, i integrate into nothing, i jsut don belong to nowhere, i don have nobody close to me, coz i jsut crave fro security and at the same time loafting it. security paralysed me, and insecurity kills me, either way i parish. i jsut don belong to nowhere, this whole earth, i don belong to no where. and i m totally fine with that, i m really fine. i belong to taht little 500 sq feet studio in my mind, and i belong to my own reality, not your reality. i jsut don fit in. and i m alright, i don need to fit in. i don wanna be like you, i don wanna be liek anybody.
american's fakerism is somehow very tiring, i change mask every day, nearly every class, with diff groups of frd. and it sucks hard core. and i suppose it is also masks that i m seeing. it is a big show, it is show time everyday when you wake up, you put on your fucking make up, your wig, your fake eyelashes, your fake boobs , i feel like a drag queen, and there i m waltzing among gals and guys. I feel like prostitute, i satisfy you, i do watever you want me to, as long as you give me wat i need in return. i sleep in my make up, fearing of the face underneath, that i might not be able to recognise.
and that is very dangerous catching up with old frds, who know your face with no make up on. that's sweet, and bitter. at least that is as real as a dark chocolate. i feel like a sugar coated donut, sweetie in and out, and soemtime all i wanted is to fuck somebody, kick some ass, throw a chair at your face. and i know, that is exactly wat those ppl wanted to do to me.

how ya doing today.
good, how are you?
pretty good
htat's a cute top
oh really? thank you

i m not implying " mean gals" on air everyday ard me, or rather, i m becoming the mean gal myself. maybe i jsut hate apparently angelic ppl. those has no flaw, no evilness, no weakness, and those doesn look human. i m scared by that. that make me look like a sinner, though i m sure i m. now i start appreciating brooke's screwed up life, she look realistic to me. she is like human, she has emotion for no reason, she jsut lay back and smile and give you a middle finger. she say i don give a fuck. and that;s real.