Oh fuck, you know wat ppl? i cried watching the L word. yes, i cried, watching, the L word. and right now i m feeling so overwhelmed taht i have to , i don know , type something....
(yuki, for you information, i m watching the episode when bette is confronted by that buckley woman who say it is god's blessing to take away tina's child. damn ,it is fucking fucking sad, i would have throw the fucking chair at her face and scream like mad!)
and Shane was such a heart broken thing too...i wonder wat's behind her.
oh damn....
this show is getting really relaly influencial.....ppl tell me hollywood is fake, but, i jsut see so much truth in it that i can relate to.

today i look at the mirror, and i saw myself is back, it is the me taht i was so happy with last time, and she is staring back at me. i m so happy. thank god i m so happy now. everything is perfect. it is all perfect. and my soul , which was broken up into pieces, i put them all back up together. I don wanna hide no more, coz i ll be hiding the best part of me. i m who i m, and i m cool.

my life is like a constant search for myself. i m surprised and amazed at how fluid i can be, i don know wat i m, i have no fixed shape and no fixed volume. i was like liquid, i take watever shape the container may be. and then i decided to be like air, and i collide and explode and move randomly and freely with high energy. sometime i found myself at soem corner taht i will never thot of being into. the more i dig deeper in to me, the wider it get, and it open up into a forest, i get lost in it. but i keep searching, i write a map, tracing my thot and leaving foot print, hoping the next time i come abck to the same place i ll recognise it adn don get scared of the unknown of my own landscape. it is this one week that everything is happening at the same time. it is overwhleming, i cant quite handle it, but i m so happy. i cried, one day i cried, looking at my shane wall paper and i cry, i was unconcsiously holding onto my cross pendent, and i was feeling something tht i haven been feeling for so long. i cry, and in my mind, i was screaming, god i m so happy. you know i never feel this happy for an entire year. since i come to the states, i never been this happy. it is the peace that i been praying for, i go to church and i only pray for two thing. and i get both at the same time. i thot god left me coz i have not been praying, coz i know i don worth his time. but he listen and he pamper me. my dad wont do that . but god do that.
you know, it is when this kinda time come into my life, that ic ant believe wat im doing right now is wrong. coz god still watch me even i might have wronged him.

i m ...so happy.