i thot, going to sch will make things better, but it doesn work.
nothing works no more.
i m just digging deeper and deeper into my brain and it is getting bloody and sticky.
i saw brooke today at the forum, din get up to say hi, din do nothing.
had a real bad chem lab experience, i jsut hate science more than ever.
i ask for help, i do ask for help and this motive of asking for help is the only thing that make me feel tt i m not yet suicidal. if yuki happen to be reading this message, i m sorry i din answer your call. coz i was on the phone with wendy. but of coz , it doesn help nothing.
in fact i wanna live. but i cant. i feel that my life is ending, like evaporating into the california sun ray. if God has to take me i would have no regret to leave. i m jsut sorry for my parent who spent so much on me and get nothing in return. i m just sorry for my hubby, for the future taht we once hold so dear.
it is like keep running in circle, like stuck in a nightmare, when you cry and nobody hear, you run but there is no exit.
i used to believe that getting out of here will make things better, you know , just change the environment, but i no longer believe in taht no more. coz nothing is making me better. the problem is in me. the horror is in me, it is eating me alive, i cant get it out, i see myself decomposing a little by little, but i knwo i wont die.
if you are cursing me , thinking that i m creating my own problem i m sorry you have to read until here, and you can jsut close this window and hell with me.
but if you are my frd, and you read until here, just,please believe in wat i say. you don need to help, jsut believe me, and don tell me to" go to sleep and tomorrow will be a bright new day". coz i tried taht, and i think tomorrow is not a bright new day.