got out of history class early coz my history paper was mutilated, i was fed up, wanna throw chairs in people's face.
was reading sylvia plath's "the bell jar", it is more then marvellous, i see why young gals get addicted to sylvia's romantic melancholy, coz, she did made death an art. i pity Esther, i feel so much for her, i identify with the maddening helplessness to believe in my own charm, when it doesn work, it is equal to death, coz " you are not getting anywhere".
It is sick, it remind me of the filthy wicked side of me taht been recently taken control of my sensibility. I wanna make it figurative, make it fictious, so taht i don need to face the gruesome face of truth.

she was at ease on the bed, flipping magazine, telling me over the phone about 10 things you need to know for masturbation. the twilight was so quiet and the stars so bright, i commanded on my romance producing hormone and pour out seductive remarks.but all i think of is the 60 watts bed lamp with the crimson lamp cover, that split the warm orange glow into crooked bims like cracks on a broken mirror. In between those crack i see her crew cut, and the pink fingertips on her boney joints. you never how well a bra match a crew cut. you never know how the rainbow is produced by one single light, you never how it burst out into thousands of color taht numb your senses. when you see the rainbow you exclaim like a child. THe bible say, it is the promise of god's forgiveness. how ironic it is, when the brown bed sheet of hers smell like frankincense and marijuana, equally intoxicating.

"the most important thing about masturbation is fantasize" I said. "um..." she responsed.

she had her eyebrow pierced, so as the thin membrane taht define a man and a woman. I like to think that she has a tattooed somewhere, a place too fragile to touch,but strong enough for a pigment that mark her femninity forever, so taht she wont forget about it. It been long after she's been a little gal.

"watever, i don need taht anyway" seh said, flipping another page. and this time it talk about 10 positions that give you greatest pleasure. "When the woman hang down the side of the bed, the man enter from behind...." I cant imagine this is the world we are living in, when people experiment sex like animals. she flipped it over, it is too dirty to read.

is this all you wanna say to me?
There is no incoming call watsoever.
so i say goodnight, and turn the power off.