so wats about lucas......
he is jsut damn cute afterall, and apparently majority of my girl friends are crushing on him, that is really funny
and anyways, this afternoon i experience some feeling really weird taht, it is similar to that spiral again, that spiral that been drowning me, i try not to think of it. coz it shouldn be possible now, with my friends and ppl who are impt ard me. and my life will jsut gets better.
and i know the same fucking dilemma when it is about time to leave, and things start turning rosy and beautiful, charming you to feel regret for leaving it. and then warn you of your presumably happy future taht is totally foreign, unknown. human are born to afraid of unknowns.
my next paper is on futurism, it sucks for me, coz future is alwasy the last thing that i ever think of, and i m totally not interested in knowing wat our future will be. if there is global warming killing my grandkid, i don really care, coz i wont have no grand kid and i wont be there. if there is global flooding or nuclear war in my life time and human are gonna extinct, and that mean, i will probably die, and i will die with all my loved and impt ones, i don mind dying at all. so, the future to me simply mean the next year, i go no futher than a year. i live day by day.

so who is james, james is that freako who call me last night, and ask me out for dinner, and then i realise i don even know him. and i ask him who he is, he say" i m your boyfriend" and i say who is my boyfriend, he say he is james, and he wan to be my boyfriend becoz i m gorgeous. and then i ask him how did he got my number, he say from my frd, i ask him which frd , he dint wanna tell me, then he say it was kim. and i ask him did he see me before in person, he say he did . thn i hang up and i call kim, kim din even know my new number until then. it is weird, tehre is no caller ID , so who is james, and he say he is a model and ask me to look at this fucking don know wat book on page 37. and ya right, he is a model , whatever, i m britney spears.
no one know who is james.